Being Big

Big. Hefty. Fluffy. Fat.

There are so many words that are used today to describe people who are larger then what is considered healthy, and even to be considered “beautiful” you must be the right weight. In today’s world image is everything. Especially to a young woman. Is my hair right? Do I have the right clothes? Did I do my makeup well enough? Ugh how do I lose this weight? Even girls who are not in the slightest “fluffy” think that they are too fat for beauty standards. Let me say this I am a big girl, and I have struggled since I was thirteen with my weight, a constant pull back and forth with losing and gaining weight. The yo-yo effect, and I hear it all the time if you want to lose weight you need to do [insert your advice]. I have tried to just eat healthy, not only is it hard (especially as a full time student, and a full time worker), it is also expensive and sometimes i can’t afford to just buy healthy food. I also know I am an emotional eater something that is very, very hard to get a handle on, because once you are used to eating when you are upset or angry it is hard to get out  of that habit. Working out is something I actually enjoy doing but finding the time to work out thirty minutes three to four times a week is difficult when your time is taken up with school, homework, family time, and going to work. I am NOT trying to make excuses for myself or my weight problem. I am giving you the reasons why I got to be a “big girl”. I love food, especially good food.

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I love sweets, and not just candy. I love making things from scratch. And when you love food, but are a picky eater losing the weight to become “beautiful” is hard. Telling me I wear my weight well, or you don’t look like you weigh that much, or you are pretty for a big girl, can be just as hurtful as just telling me I’m fat(sometimes I would prefer if you just called me fat. I know I am). When you struggle to find clothes that fit you in your own closet, your down to your last two fitting pairs of pants(and they are starting to get tight)and you just can’t go out and buy new clothes every time you gain some weight. It is a real struggle for hundreds of girls if not thousands. I get emotional about my weight I couldn’t tell you how many times I have cried in frustration about my weight. I know every girls story of her weight is different, some medical, some emotional, but the world telling you, you are not beautiful because your body (something you can’t always control) doesn’t fit their standards of beauty. Well screw them cause if you are happy with the way you look, and you are trying your hardest and you own your body shape and you are confident. Well babe you are gorgeous.

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It’s the hardest thing any girl will have to do, accept your body. Know you are beautiful no matter your shape.

 I am still struggling. I don’t feel beautiful. I hide my body the best I can and don’t draw attention when I can.

This is my struggle.

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