Real or Not

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I think some forget about words. Well they forget the power that the words hold over us, and over others. I’m talking about the power we have to destroy someone with our words, and in a digital age that has become easier then ever. We can destroy people we don’t even know, and they don’t have to even know who it is that is breaking them down. I have a tattoo that reminds me daily that we all live and breathe words. We have words that lift you up, rebuild you, and even to love you. But it is so easy to go the opposite way to bring a person down, because you disagree, or what is worse, make you feel better about yourself. The old phrase “sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”  that is a lie words can hurt so bad they stick with you for years. I still remember being called ugly by some boys in the school yard when I was in third grade. Yes they were just little kids, but those words still hurt. This post is more then just about words it is about your image and how you present yourself to the world, and how the comments people leave affect you and what you share.

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In the digital age we can show people only what we want them to see. Image is everything, and you have to present your life (as me and my friends call it) Facebook Perfect. You share pictures of a happy family, but in reality that family is slowly falling apart. Or a girl who is always seems “upbeat and happy” is actually thinking of taking her life, and she is screaming for help yet no one can hear her. Many do not take the time to actually talk to their friends on social media sights, they just like their picture or their status without actually taking an interest. I am guilty of these things as well and I hope to get better and getting past the facade of “Facebook Perfect.” Many people do not want people to get past the fake and see the real they fight so hard to make their life look perfect, that they just ignore the reality. Maybe this is a rant”ish” but I urge people to see the power of their word on and off line.

Words hold the power.

And we control the Words.

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Being Big

Big. Hefty. Fluffy. Fat.

There are so many words that are used today to describe people who are larger then what is considered healthy, and even to be considered “beautiful” you must be the right weight. In today’s world image is everything. Especially to a young woman. Is my hair right? Do I have the right clothes? Did I do my makeup well enough? Ugh how do I lose this weight? Even girls who are not in the slightest “fluffy” think that they are too fat for beauty standards. Let me say this I am a big girl, and I have struggled since I was thirteen with my weight, a constant pull back and forth with losing and gaining weight. The yo-yo effect, and I hear it all the time if you want to lose weight you need to do [insert your advice]. I have tried to just eat healthy, not only is it hard (especially as a full time student, and a full time worker), it is also expensive and sometimes i can’t afford to just buy healthy food. I also know I am an emotional eater something that is very, very hard to get a handle on, because once you are used to eating when you are upset or angry it is hard to get out  of that habit. Working out is something I actually enjoy doing but finding the time to work out thirty minutes three to four times a week is difficult when your time is taken up with school, homework, family time, and going to work. I am NOT trying to make excuses for myself or my weight problem. I am giving you the reasons why I got to be a “big girl”. I love food, especially good food.

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I love sweets, and not just candy. I love making things from scratch. And when you love food, but are a picky eater losing the weight to become “beautiful” is hard. Telling me I wear my weight well, or you don’t look like you weigh that much, or you are pretty for a big girl, can be just as hurtful as just telling me I’m fat(sometimes I would prefer if you just called me fat. I know I am). When you struggle to find clothes that fit you in your own closet, your down to your last two fitting pairs of pants(and they are starting to get tight)and you just can’t go out and buy new clothes every time you gain some weight. It is a real struggle for hundreds of girls if not thousands. I get emotional about my weight I couldn’t tell you how many times I have cried in frustration about my weight. I know every girls story of her weight is different, some medical, some emotional, but the world telling you, you are not beautiful because your body (something you can’t always control) doesn’t fit their standards of beauty. Well screw them cause if you are happy with the way you look, and you are trying your hardest and you own your body shape and you are confident. Well babe you are gorgeous.

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It’s the hardest thing any girl will have to do, accept your body. Know you are beautiful no matter your shape.

 I am still struggling. I don’t feel beautiful. I hide my body the best I can and don’t draw attention when I can.

This is my struggle.

Feeling Meh

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This last week, I could think of nothing to write about all week. To be honest it’s been a crazy week. Full of stress, surprises, and lots of work. I am way behind in my school stuff this last week, and I just feel meh this whole week. I don’t know any other way to describe the way I feel this last week. I couldn’t muster a single good idea for a blog post. So i will just tell you how i am feeling now, I have a College Algebra test in 30 minutes then i am dreading, my physical science class literally almost puts me to sleep. (I wish i didn’t need that class at all) My history class to be honest we barely get a lecture in before the end of class because we spend class time talking about current events in the world. Which of course isn’t bad but it makes us fall behind schedule.

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I am not made for the world of math and science, in all honesty it hurts my head. I would rather be reading a good book, or playing a game or painting a picture.